21 Months Deep in Parenthood

We’re 21 months deep in this neck of the woods they call parenthood.  Supposedly, well clear of that first year parent fog.  So, with that now new found clarity (joke), we thought it’s about time to enlighten you on our Reality Vs Those First Time Parent Expectations.

As you’re told multiple times when expecting; “Nothing can prepare you for the ride of parenthood”.  Which is totally true, but we’re going to give it a go anyway.  I had a very clear idea of how I I thought my life was going to be once Em was born.  How very wrong I was.

 Pregnancy

Expectation

I was relatively fit when I fell pregnant. Yes, I piled on half a stone whilst having our final “baby-less” all inclusive blow out in Mexico.  But, other than that my weight was stable.   I gymed it, ran weekly, and my diet was 75% healthy, bar my very unhealthy addiction to sugar.

The Result of the Final “Baby-less” All Inclusive Blow Out In Mexico

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHWE38MgT3-/

So, when it came to pregnancy, of course I was going to carry the perfect bump.  You know, I would be the pregnant girl that you didn’t know was pregnant from behind?  I was going to eat mega healthy, and obviously only organic (For the Baby!)  Daily yoga, would mean that I was going to be  the expectant mother doing a downward dog, in yoga pants, breathing with ease through labour.  How perfect does that sound?

The Reality

I craved cheese, sausage rolls, cakes & burgers from the digitally confirmed get go.  Everything that I knew I shouldn’t be eating, I devoured!!  We were on first name terms with the local Indian, who were on speed dial, and due to decorating at the time an Indian in bed on a Sunday night was totally acceptable.  Not gonna lie apart from finding popadom crumbs in bed, I do actually miss this.

A particularly low point was on the tube when I came to discover that the perfect cream egg consumption utopia is two!  Eight months in, I had purchased the standard three cream eggs for £1.  I sat and ate one after the other, having to wait for commuters to leave the train so I could sheepishly jump into the next egg.    Tip: Three eggs is too much! You will  feel sick, and we all know one isn’t enough! 

Just another Chocolaty Sweet Treat That got me Through my Pregnancy

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOQEFjlBVzl/

Now About That Exercise

When it came to exercise there was barely any.  Running lasted all of one week, but due to dizziness it got knocked on the head pretty sharpish.

Being a yoga lover, I signed up for a Pregnancy course.   Which I loved, until I fell ill over Christmas, and never ended up going back.  This was pure laziness on my part!  The Light Centre Moorgate has a great selection of classes, and I’m currently looking for my Yoga Mojo to get back into it.  Obviously at the time, I just enjoyed lazing around being pregnant, and eating cheese much more.

The One Time I did The Crow!

https://www.instagram.com/p/1cA38Rw4D1/

Walking  was probably my saving grace, in not having to be airlifted out of our flat.  Granted my usual 20 min journey turned into a 40 min waddle, but it was exercise.

Needless to say I ballooned, and that perfect bump was nowhere to be seen! Instead I was channeling Kim K during her first pregnancy.  I  had put on 3.5 stone with a month to go, and it was at that point I stopped weighing myself, and became at one with the cheese.

Birth

Expectation

Every woman goes into pregnancy with an idea of what they want their birth story to look like. The books, and your midwife will tell you to “Be ready for any eventuality”.   But we all know how we want to bring the new love of our life into the world.  Be it… Taking every drug going, or a candle lit water birth.   A plan is put in to place and your eyes are set firmly on the prize.

I read every book I could find on pregnancy, and my choice of hospital was solely based around whether they had a natural birthing unit.  My dream brith involved a birthing pool, battery operated tea light candles, and a bit of relaxing whale music.  I didn’t go as far as wanting a lotus birth (Google it!), but I did want quite the hippy affair.  Having done my homework, I was well read on hynobirthing.  I meditated every morning, and had my mantra’s memorised.  Breathing was a new found skill, and “my happy place” had been chosen.  You know, the place you go to when you’re in the midst of  “the ring of fire”.

I wasn’t scared of giving birth, I was excited and felt ready to do this.  Earth mother style.

1 Week Before Emerson Arrived

https://www.instagram.com/p/BTavWWpAqTM/

The Reality

Other than the hefty weight gain, I had no complaints during my pregnancy.  Although I’m pretty sure Pete would beg to differ!

I escaped morning sickness (mainly due to the excessive eating), and really loved my bump.  All was well until I went for one of my final midwife checkups.  The bump under my ribs that I had thought was his bum turned out to be his head.

An emergency scan confirmed that Em was in a breach position, and I was given a week to try to turn him.   Leaving the hospital with moxibustion candles, and leaflets, I was determined that my birth plan was going to go to…. Plan!   .

The following week was spent shelling out £300 on chiropractor appointments, hanging upside down, burning my toes and watching TV on all 4’s over a birthing ball.  Did he play ball?  Course he didn’t.  A decision had to be made between an ECV (External Cephalic Version) or C-section.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BTCk-KxgXrM/

Turn Baby Turn

Again not what I was going for, and if you Google ECV there is a whole host of conflicting advice on whether it should be performed or not.  I decided to try it, with the knowledge that if it got too painful or if I didn’t get a good vibe then I could stop.

We were told to pack a hospital bag to keep in the car, in case the procedure sent me into early labour.  Shit was starting to get very real, and my inner calm was turning to panic.   If I had only known what Emerson’s personality was going to be like, then I would have booked myself in for a C-section on the spot.  Em is a typical Taurus, and no amount of pushing and shoving by the Obstetrician was going to move him.   His butt was firmly engaged.

Admitting defeat I had two choices; give birth breach or have a C-section.  As much as I wanted a natural birth I didn’t fancy my chances giving birth Ass first.  Two weeks later my C-Section was booked in, a few days before my due date.  This was a concern!!  Throughout my pregnancy  I had been harbouring a nagging feeling that Emerson was going to be most unlike us, and would rock up early.  What if he came early?

The Unexpected Birth

I didn’t have to wait too long for the answer.  That weekend we went for a walk, followed by some spicy chicken.  The perfect combination it seems, to kick start labour.  The old wives know what they’re talking about.   I was well and truly in denial, and put it down to constipation.  We carried on with our evening, fitting in a Tesco shop, and watching some bad Jason Statham movies.

Come bedtime, Pete fell asleep, whilst I perfected my Sudoku skills in between contractions.  By 3am, and after eight hours of constant twinges I rang the hospital, and was told to get my arse in.  It was 4am when we arrived, and I was 5cm dilated.   Cue some panicked staff, and by 5.30am I was in scrubs looking up at the clock whilst being giving an epidural.

Who Need’s Birth Plans Anyway?

Little Em came into the world at 5:50, and as perfect as he was, I didn’t get the immediate skin to skin I had read and dreamt so much about.  In the panic leading up to his birth, I had also forgotten to tell the staff that I wanted to keep my placenta.  My birth plan was well and truly out of the window.  On top of this I had lost quite a bit of blood, so was in recovery for a while.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BT01nk0g1hg/

Don’t get me wrong having a C-Section wasn’t a terrible experience, although it may read like that on paper.  It’s Emerson’s birth story and I love it, and in hindsight I wouldn’t change a thing.  That’s how he came into the world, once he had arrived it didn’t really matter.

If we do decide to have another baby, and I have to have another C-Section I totally wouldn’t be worried.  I now know what to expect and think I know what to do, I do still have a strong desire to give birth naturally, but understand it’s not about what I want.  Although I’m pretty sure those Mum’s who have delivered naturally would tell me this is crazy talk!!  I’m fully aware that getting to 5cm was the easy part, and perhaps there is no happy place that can take away the pain of the “Ring of Fire”.

Sleep

Expectation

I know it, you know it… Babies = sleepless nights.  We were confident we were prepared for it, and far too cocky.  Pete, and I discussed at length how we would handle the lack of sleep.  Take shifts, sleep when the baby sleeps, early nights etc. “We can survive on no sleep, being the ex ravers that we are!”, ” Who needs sleep anyway?”   Apparently we do!!

Reality

I do actually think all those nights missed due to clubbing helped us in the early days.  That along with the dopamine coursing through our veins.  We survived on very little sleep, and the sleep we did get was mainly in the upright position.

The excitement of finally meeting the newest member of our clique, and endless hours of just staring at this perfect creation makes you think you don’t ever need sleep again!! You’re running on pure adrenaline.

Returning home from the hospital is a weird one, you go from being surrounded by teams of experts to just the three of you.  Just two newbie parents doing their best not to damage this delicate little being.  21 months on, and we’re still doing our best not to damage, this not so delicate tiny human.

Sleep Tight Sleepyhead

We slept in the living room for a month after returning home.  Emerson was jaundice, and had to have hourly feeds.  We were petrified that if we slept in our own bed, we wouldn’t wake up to feed him. Emerson slept on a footstool in his Sleepyhead whilst Pete, and I took one corner of the sofa each.  Neurotic New Parent Worry No1  We were fine with it though, in between the American Gods episodes, we napped when he napped.

Just Another Day in the Living Room in my Pants, Surrounded by Baby Wipes 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUL7HEOAYxd/

After a month we felt confident enough to move back to our room.  E was in more of a routine, and Breastfeeding was getting slightly easier.  Emerson slept in his Snuzpod crib, and that’s where he stayed for the next 10 months.  It was at this point when the tiredness kicked in, months of broken sleep had finally caught up with us.

Take What Sleep you can

He still woke during the night to feed, and after 10/11 months it was time for him to go into his own room.  There was also nightly attempted break outs of his crib, as E had leant the new skill of pulling himself up.

Even now we never know what we’re going to get from night to night.  Some days he sleeps through, other times he’s up and is tough to settle.  On these occasions we get him in with us, we both work and it’s easier to do that then try to settle him.  As long as we all sleep, we’ll take it.

Even if we are getting kicked in the face by his early hour cartwheels.  The reality is we know all too well, that time goes quickly in parenthood, and one day he is going to be far too cool to want to sleep with us.  So, for now we are all about soaking up those Morning snuggles.

Breastfeeding

Expectation

Apparently reading a breastfeeding chapter in a book doesn’t make you an expert.  In addition to my book studying, and watching videos of newborns latching on,  I had asked every question I could come up with in our  ante natal, and breast feeding classes.

I was under no illusion that it was hard, many of my friend had to stop, or had told me how difficult it was.  I was just hoping that all I had to do was give birth, have a bit of skin to skin and the baby would crawl up, and sniff out the nip- happy days!  Just like the YouTube videos I had spent hours watching.

The Time I Turned my Boob into a Cartoon for National Breastfeeding Week

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXiABHPgDDf/

Reality

Due to my C-section, skin on skin was delayed.  Instead, Pete and I just sat there in shock staring at Em.  Being in recovering, I felt too nervous to initiate the breastfeeding myself.  All the information I had obtained in the run up to giving birth, didn’t  mean a thing.  I had no idea what I was doing.  It took one of the midwives asking me if I wanted to have a go at trying it, before I attempted it.

Apparently Em had a good latch, and was taking milk ok. Fab!!  I thought!  This was just Emerson performing in front of an audience, and would be the first of many instances where he did just this.  Every time I attempted to get him to latch on my own he just screamed.  Flailing arms, and legs, a beetroot face and his helpless screams would get me in an instant flap.

He was the loudest baby, and his high pitched scream would cause the midwife to come running in, asking if I needed help!  The amount of times I heard “He’s got a set of lungs on him”.  The midwife would just pop him on, and all would be well.  Until the next time I was breastfeeding solo.  You can imagine what this did for my confidence.

We could have gone home at lunchtime the following day, but I was so worried that I couldn’t feed him we stayed another 7 hours.   The hospital were really good at letting us stay until we felt happy to leave.

Hometime

They gave us syringes to help get that all important “liquid gold” into Em.  I knew that Colostrum is so important due to its nutritional, and immunity benefits, and I had no idea if Emerson was getting any of it from me.  Using the syringes meant I knew how much he was taking, in between me trying to breastfeed him.

The first night at home Em slept for 5 hours which we thought was great.  That was until the midwife come round the next day to say he was looking jaundiced, and that he shouldn’t be sleeping for that long.  It was at that point the cycle of a sleepy jaundiced baby who wouldn’t wake for feeds, and the anxiety that he was getting enough milk to clear the jaundice began.  The New Mum anxiety was real, and Emerson was looking more like Bart Simpson by the day.

I made extra midwife appointments at the house, had  a breastfeeding specialist come over, and every time Emerson would go on great.  The experts would reassure me how good his latch was, but his weight had dropped by 9.8%.  This was so close to the 10% marker that would mean a trip back to the hospital to be treated.

Neurotic new Parent Worry no 2

My obsession with logging every feed, Poo, length of feed and boob side began.  Breastfeeding turned into a military operation.   Pete was incredible, and would set me up with numerous pillows, ensuring Em was in the right position, and kept me watered.  Setting the timer, and logging the details if my phone was out of reach.

It did gradually get easier during the day, but I hated the night-feeds, they felt impossible at times.  Emerson would get himself into such a state, and wouldn’t latch.  A week in and my nipples were so sore, and I was convinced the reason for him not latching was tongue tie.  Every feed felt like a razor, but throughout I was told his latch was fine. I swear to you, one time I looked down and actually saw a bit of skin from my nipple on his lip.  It was savage!  Thank the lord for Lanisoh and cabbage leaves they are Mum Tips that really do the trick!

100% if I had kept formula in the house I would have given up. Breastfeeding is no joke, and I was totally wrong to assume that it would be easy.  I put our success down to determination, support from Pete, and knowing that I really wanted to do this probably helped.

My Breastfeeding Turning Points

• The suggestion of a Boppy pillow,  was a revelation.  It put Emerson in a great position, and it meant that Pete didn’t have to go on a plumping mission at every feed.  As lovely as this was.

• They say it gets easier after 6 weeks and it does!  I remember counting down the weeks when times got tough, thinking surely it will click soon, and he will get it.  At around 7 weeks we got it, and it clicked.  21 months on, and I’m amazed at the positions we can feed in.  Turns out breasts are very resilient, and can stretch into a manner of different shapes.  I actually think I could breastfeed standing on my head, I just need to get back into Yoga first.

So if you’re struggling it does get easier, but everyones journey is different.  With Em, sometimes he would get it, and other times it was pure hell.   Those moments where it all went well kept me going through the bad times.  If it was stress at every feed I’m not confident that I would have lasted as long.

Us new mums put ourselves under immense pressure to breastfeed, which can be detrimental to our mental health. This isn’t good for anyone, there is no medal for doing it, so do what works for you, and remember “Fed is Best”.  

So, Here We Are

21 months deep in this neck of the woods they call parenthood!   We  had all of our First Time Parent Expectations shattered, but we survived.  Would I change any of it? No, a little more sleep wouldn’t go a miss, and I wouldn’t mind being a little fitter and losing some of that excess weight I piled on.  But there is plenty of time for that.

Parenthood for us in our first 21 months has been about rolling with the punches, and going with the flow.  Learning to adapt, and winging it daily.  We were never going to be those parents who have a strict routine, and as much as I thought I wanted to go by the book, life isn’t like that.

Everything happens for a reason, and when I see the way Em is now, and the person he is growing up to be, I know that our Reality is shaping this free spirited, stubborn, nature loving, funny little boy into someone spectacular.

I know this is quite a long post, so if you’re still with me Thank you!! We would love to hear about your Expectations vs Reality!! How different is parenthood to what you imagined? What tips do you have, in preparing to have your world turned upside down by this tiny person?

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A post shared by 💕Vibes Life Us✌🏼Pete, Kee & Em (@vibeslifeus)